Watching Our Tongue

The worship ministry has just started on a series of reflections on Bible passages. Last week, we were given James 3:1-12. It was about bridling our tongue and controlling it as it has the power to build up and to destroy.

As I read it, I remembered a conversation I had with a girlfriend this week. She said that children have short-term memories, which means they are forgetful, but they also forget easily the scoldings or whatever harsh words we parents say. It's their natural way of forgetting as their young minds are not able to cope with the rejection they perceive when voices are raised at them.

I don't have an easy relationship with my elder boy as he's very active and needs to be consistently occupied or he'll think up his own entertainment ideas. He also has a tendency to shout and yell, especially if he feels misunderstood or he doesn't get his way. This often results in screaming matches between us.

As I reflected on the passage, it reminded me of all the words I say to my children when I'm upset with them and my patience ran thin. I thought about the hurt I see in my Asher's eyes during those times when I didn't believe he didn't do something wrong and continued yelling at him. I regretted those moments when a split second before I'm about to say something negative and a gentle voice tells me to hold on and even gives me a more positive reaction to do - but I didn't. I thought about how it must feel for my child to accumulate all these harsh words day after day, week after week, months after months.

I told myself if there's anything I want to work on, it must be this - to cut down on my negative words and replace them with more affirmative ones. I must try to hug and praise Asher more than I scold him. It won't happen overnight but with the Lord's help, it's possible.